After a lot of time thinking about how to start this blog I think the best way is to mention a few things. Since the first Cosmo and me, another Cavalier King Charles spaniel, Niles, has died and Judy, muttering Judy, a tri-color Cav has joined Bill and me. She is a rescue and a joy every minute. After a few years in a puppy mill, then in a home in which she was not quite happy, Judy came to us.
Another new event is the steady path of Alzheimer’s. Bill is walking and beginning to stumble down a mental and physical slope that changes almost daily. This is so difficult on many levels and daily events. For Bill, it is a path that he cannot stand. The inability to drive, the need for a caregiver when I go out – all demaning, maddening and frightening. For a man who has excelled in every career and endeavor that he has undertaken, it is the unimaginable that has come to live in our house. He has taught, lectured, became a Rolfer and founded a school – Soma, of structural integration. In his 50s’s Bill became a renowned figure in the commodity matkets. He has written 3 books, travelled the world lecturing and now is stuck in a small radius of our home. I drive and he doesn’t like it and because of my eye problems we drive within a 4 or 5 mile area.
Opps – enough for now. I have been cringing and swearing all day Wednesday and much of yesterday. no, one is ill – no crisis but my sweet dog, Judy, was groomed and ended up missing all of her gorgeous ear hair. I didn’t want her trimmed but acquiesced to Bill’s desire to put her in a short coat for summer. BUT, we have never had her ears shown – I am so angry at the groomer and I guess, really angry at all of the things over which I have no control.
Could I buy her an ear wig? Or, maybe keep her in a snood. I know this is ridiculous but I am so sad every time I look at her. Yesterday, I bought her a pink baby blanket and she stayed in my lap wrapped up in it all evening. She can’t know she looks like a sad stray, can she? I think the hair on her ears is so short that any air hitting her makes her nerves just twitch… and itch.
Days later and don’t know which is worse Republican politics or living with Alzheimers. My husband is sad, frustrated and sometimes angy at me. I am worried, sad, longing to have a little time to myself. Yes, I get some, if I am lucky maybe 3 or 4 hrs a week. I would like to just sit and have coffee and play with my phone, uninterrupted. And Bill would like to be able to get in the car and drive himself somewhere, any where.
The next door neighbors have been here 3 years, after 10 years of wonderful neighbors. Now, these are people who sometimes speak and sometimes walk in the house when they see us. Three houses share a driveway, each of us owing a section. They don’t understand that is is unsafe for small children to play or for adults to skateboard in front of our garages. Their dog barks around 8 or 10 hrs a day. I have written them, talked to them, shouted at the dog and we are afraid of it. Today, Bill was scratched by this dog, drawing blood, while the oldest of their 5 children tried to control the dog. I go to the what ifs; what is it had knocked him down. What if I had our small dog out in our yard? What if a giant wind came and blew them all to Kansas. There are 3 adults, 5 children and an awful dog over there in a yard that looks as though it should contain a car up on blocks, a derelict refrigerator, a 40 year old washer and assorted junk. It has no grass, just weeds, al least 50 toys, many broken and random piles of dog excrement. I need a wall: maybe Trump would build it.